CNN. Conspiracy Theory News Network

CNN Exclusive: We fall for everything anyone tells us. They just have to use their ‘serious voice.’

This CNN Exclusive landed in my Twitter feed with a loud bang as if it had something important to say.

It does not.

“FBI investigation determined Chinese-made Huawei equipment could disrupt US nuclear arsenal communications”

‘Disrupt’ Key word there.

The story opens with an interesting (for those of us that read spy novels) Chinese spy-craft gambit. Occupy the high ground in a major ‘enemy’ city so as to listen in to all radio communications.

The Chinese government was offering to build an ornate Chinese garden at the National Arboretum in Washington DC…But when US counterintelligence officials began digging into the details, they found numerous red flags. The pagoda, they noted, would have been strategically placed on one of the highest points in Washington DC, just two miles from the US Capitol, a perfect spot for signals intelligence collection.

So China wanted to listen into radio signals. This isn’t exactly new as every nation state has been doing this to other foreign nations since the invention of radio communications. To be honest, this is best practice. What’s amazing is how brazen China was in attempting it. So far. So good, but not really disrupting US nuclear arsenal communications. Just normal espionage. If you think China hasn’t been monitoring western government communications for a long time now, you might be a wee bit naïve.

Chinese officials wanted to build the pagoda with materials shipped to the US in diplomatic pouches, which US Customs officials are barred from examining.

Um. What? You can hide a pallet of construction materials inside a diplomatic pouch? How big are these pouches? Please elaborate on this CNN. Oh. You don’t. You just leave that bizarre statement hanging with no further explanation. Just sinister inuendo. And this is where it begins.

Among the most alarming things the FBI uncovered pertains to Chinese-made Huawei equipment atop cell towers near US military bases in the rural Midwest.

And this is where the conspiracy train gets its full head of steam. The only thing presented as evidence is that the equipment was “Chinese-made.” Sinophobia anyone?

It’s unclear if the intelligence community determined whether any data was actually intercepted.

Oh. So nothing actually happened. But if you imagine hard enough, something might have happened. And all you need is imagination to prove a conspiracy.

there’s no question the Huawei equipment has the ability to intercept not only commercial cell traffic but also the highly restricted airwaves used by the military

This is factual. Because ANY NETWORK EQUIPMENT FROM ANY NETWORK VENDOR IN THE WORLD HAS THIS INTERCEPT CAPABILLITY! If I want to exploit this capability, I just have to visit my local Best Buy and spend $200 on a quality Wi-Fi router. “Highly restricted airwaves” FFS. What makes them “highly restricted’ is that civilians are not allowed to transmit on them. Anyone can listen to them. And I mean “Anyone.”

Excuse me while I erect an antenna and ‘intercept’ “highly restricted” radio signals passing over my home. This is basic Ham radio shit. You don’t even need computer chips to ‘intercept’ this traffic.

What they leave out is, this is why critical communications are encrypted. Because literally ANYONE can be listening to it. Including the incredibly curious 10 year old with access to aluminum foil and copper wiring.

“disrupt critical US Strategic Command communications”

HOW!? If the communications is encrypted, how does the disruption happen? This is when they start waving the “Chinese-made Huawei equipment” magic wand. So far, CNN has breathlessly reported capabilities available to anyone with any equipment, and then implies magic capabilities just because. Spycraft. Evil Chinese. Beware your fortune cookie, it’s actually a secret camera.

At this point I am reminded of many movies and TV shoes that showed Computer systems being hacked through their power cords. I shit you not. Not through the keyboard, not through the network. Through the power cord. Because that implied scary technical capability that could not be protected against. CNN, is doing the same damned thing here.

So now we move into how Huawei equipment was purchased by rural telecom providers. As evidence of evil intent was Huawei bidding below cost to get into the market. Holy fucking shitballs. A company selling at a loss to gain market penetration? Who does that? Oh wait. Everyone.

Critics see xenophobic overreach

Throwaway section about how the government is being xenophobic at a weak attempt at balance.

“However, China has shown us through its policies and actions it is not a neutral actor.”

Immediately dismissed as propaganda. Moving on. Ramp up the xenophobia.

Chinese tech in the American heartland

Viaero, the largest regional provider in the area, inked a contract with Huawei to provide the equipment for its upgrade to 3G. A decade later, it has Huawei tech installed across its entire fleet of towers, roughly 1,000 spread over five western states.

So Viaero built a working 3G Cellular network for its customer base. Got it. Where’s the threat inproviding service to customers?

By examining the Huawei equipment themselves, FBI investigators determined it could recognize and disrupt DOD-spectrum communications — even though it had been certified by the FCC

FBI Investigators determined that communications equipment can listen to communications and can disrupt communications. Next up, FBI Investigators determine that matches can be used to light candles and to start fires. A very special FBI team determined that putting a thumb over the end of a water hose increases the pressure creating a stronger spray.

Did I make my point? I sure hope so. I don’t want to have to spell out that FBI Investigators confirmed that water makes things wet.

And here’s the big concern. The proof that China is nefariously spying on American government activities.

Weather camera worries

That’s right. WEATHER CAMERAS!

Viaero started mounting high-definition surveillance cameras on its towers to live-stream weather and traffic

Not just WEATHER! WEATHER AND TRAFFIC! I need my fainting couch.

At least some of the cameras in question were running on Huawei networks

There it is. The big gotcha. The prime piece of evidence. Except…

Viaero started mounting high-definition surveillance cameras on its towers to live-stream weather and traffic, a public service… [over] publicly posted live-streams

So the idea here is that China is using super secret Huawei special sauce technology to steal sensitive information. From publicly posted weather and traffic cameras. Publicly posted weather and traffic cameras that literally anyone in the world with an internet connection and a web browser can view from this US Government link right here -> Web Cams by Route — I-25 (weather.gov)

CNN is breathlessly intoning that China needs to go to great lengths to steal what is being freely given away to everyone.

And with that. I’m done. Read the rest of the article if you want. Maybe there is a nugget of truth buried in conspiracy bullshit mountain.